mass murdering dogs
Web pages that use <SMALL> for all their text.
goat-sucker, if I wanted to read type at that size, I would have made
it the NORMAL font in my browser. Your suck-ass
teeny-weenie-eye-strain-o-vision paragraphs are totally not worth my
time to read.
navigate. I surf with both off, and when clicking stops working because
some graphic-design fag decided to show off his computer programming
skills, I want to hunt him down and tear off his scalp. Leave programming
to the competent and stick to drawing pretty graphics.
Paper cuts on your tongue you get from licking envelopes
- I understand those Euros consider us disgusting for putting our
tongues on envelop flaps and stamps. They have sponges all over the
place (about like phone booths in America) to save themselves from
having to taste the icky stuff. I bet there's a splinter faction of
the French Socialist party that wants to substitute toxic glue on the
back of stamps to stomp out lickers.
Credit card offers through the mail
- I get one of these for some Super Duper Mega-Classic
True-Gold Visa and I'm like ``bugger off you time-wasting moron.
Your interest rate sucks, you have no grace period, and your prose
insults my intelligence.'' I have created a form letter (14K postscript, 1.6K ) to mail back to
them in their No-Postage-Necessary-If-Mailed-In-The-United-States
People in charge of computing resources who have no net.clue
- I mean, what's the deal. I guess it's because they have to be
primarily paper pushers and no technically competent person is going
to waste their time dealing with that and politics. They'd rather be
playing netrek. Still, it wads my panties that people who think
mainframes and Novell are the shit get to decide how the
network gets run.
It just goes to show you. The people smart enough to be good
at government would be better employed somewhere else.
Bill Gates and Microsoft
- Everybody hates them, why shouldn't I follow the herd?
Seriously, these guys suck. You look up Microsoft in the
dictionary and it says ``x.0 means beta''. This weenie is rich
enough to buy a controlling stake in the Holy Trinity and his wealth
is built on vast oceans of over-hyped crap, most of which represents
an impediment to innovation. Microsoft's attempt to rewrite
the history of the internet is only one example of its hubris.
The existence of Microsoft represents proof that there is no
benevolent and just God.
Shit in the checkout line of supermarkers
- This stuff is designed to appeal to impulse buying and stupid
housewives are vulnerable to this crap (and the whining of small
children). The magazines are the worst. I hate myself for wanting to
read the article: ``So, aliens had sex with your weedeater? Hmm, got
any pictures?''. (see also: light
- This is part of the media's fascination with statistics.
Despite the fact that these factoids are basically meaningless
without their original context, and many would be useless even
in their original context, the media loves to use them. The
average dumb person (see stupid) feels
informed and is impressed with the media's ability to deliver
information to their living room. Bullshit. The information content
of these factoids is zero.
The federal budget deficit
- These dumbass pork-barrelers in congress can't possibly think
we can continue this bullshit forever. The longer we put it off, the
more painful it will be to repair. If somebody doesn't fix it, the
dollar will be completely and totally fucked.
- Actually, I have never tried Zima. I reject it on
``religious'' grounds (its commercials piss me off).
lame bike racks
- Many bike racks suck. The ideal bike rack has a soft covering
(PVC over metal seems to work OK).
Many bike racks require you to
lift your bike over a bar if you want to lock the frame (and who
wouldn't). This results in damaged paint jobs and damaged cable
CSE (one of the places I work) has bike racks that would
be great, except they're boxed in by bushes (soft, you can just shove
your bike into them) and a wall (not soft, which effectively
eliminates half of the parking spaces).
- negative a million PSI.
People who smoke cigarettes
- Sure, vegetarians pollute the air, but their emissions don't
cause lung disease. Smokers are very defensive about their addiction
and generally end up being even more rude when confronted.
The O.J. Simpson trial
Bosnian civil war
- Neither of these seem real to me. The Simpson trial is drawing
entirely too much press. The courthouse with lawyers, jurors, and
defendant should be nuked from orbit on ``frivolous waste of
bandwidth'' charges (of course, QVC violates as well). I don't care
who's guilty. The truth is no longer relevant. The whole spectacle
merely pisses me off.
Bosnia is a pathetic circus. The U.N. can't bring itself to
beat the fuck out of the warring factions, but it still has to show up
with great wringing of hands. Fuck that noise. Either nuke it from
orbit, or wade in with ground troops and slaughter all the men.
They'll have to import husbands, and the next generation
probably won't inherit any significant hostility from their moms.
Even if they do, what will they do? Become terrorists? Get in line,
Long-distance telephone companies
- They all want my business, but they're all intent on screwing
me over. Their advertisements are all thinly disguised lies.
``Save up to 20%''. -- up to --. -- 20% -- off of
what?! Several times MCI has called me up and asked me to
switch. Every time I ask them ``I want to be able to predict the cost
of a long distance phone call. What are your rates?'' They say
``we'll mail them to you''. I get more bullshit advertising
When you go to the grocery store and buy some cereal you can
see the price before you put it in your cart. Imagine if you had to
pick one brand and they delivered however much you consumed and then
billed you a seemingly random amount a month later. This is bullshit.
What I want is a little device next to my phone that tells me the
going long distance rates for all the long distance companies so I can
press a button and use whatever one is lowest. Never mind that it
would be technically difficult, the phone companies would never allow
such a system to be installed. They're quite pleased to put on a
demonic lawyer's [ed. redundant] face and say ``we'll be pleased to
put your long distance call through. But later we will come for
fast-food restaurant ice and drink dispensers that require two
hands to operate
- I mean, what's the deal? I have a subway sandwich and napkins
in one hand, a drink in the other. I am loath to put my sandwich and
napkins on some horizontal surface that hasn't been washed since
morning, and there's a drink/ice dispenser that requires two hands.
One to hold the cup, and one to press the button. I have found a way
around this, though. You can head-butt the buttons and get them to
dispense. I'm sure the people behind the counter love that.
People that have their e-mail address posted on their page, but no
direct link to sending a message.
Therefore, one must:
(Editor's note: Of course, sometimes the author doesn't really want
to be contacted.)
- Highlight said web address
- Click the little envelope icon in the bottom corner of your Netscape
- Click the "To: Mail" button
- "Paste" the offending web address
- Notify the web page owner that, (even though he's got links ALL OVER
the damn place), that he has no "mail to:" link.